Wolfe Mama

Giving In

Giving In

Last night it was the same again, a stirring little Bub that just didn't want to sleep, so I decided to utilise the time and write a blog post. Here I am, Giving in to Indigo's needs. It's been a wonderful and tiring learning experience being a new mum. I am learning about myself, about the ideals I had (that are all out the window) and Indigo and I are learning to co exist together (and dad too course). As I continue this amazing journey it becomes more evident that what works for some, doesn't work for others, and what I thought would work for me doesn't work for Indi, and each mum/bub are on their own path, working it out together and forming their own unique bond. Some people express that babies should learn to fend for themselves, some people might say I’m spoiling her. But for me, I strongly believe that babies don’t know how to manipulate, they just need you.

 

Everyone has an opinion about how to raise your child, even those who aren’t yet mothers- hey I used to be full of opinions before I became a mother. I had many ideals which have now gone out the window, so I understand how easy it is to want to do things a certain way. We always get told we are spoiling our children if we give them what they want. Stop feeding them so much... let her cry... put her down more..I’m doing what feels right to me, which is feeding my child when she’s hungry, picking her up, cuddling her & giving her what she needs when she cries. it stresses me out when she's crying on someone else, give her back please and ill settle her ;)

 

My baby isn’t a “great” sleeper, at 3 months old. And I have this constant struggle of “I want/need sleep, you must sleep longer” to “ I can’t force my baby to sleep”. I love that she needs me and feels comfortable and safe to cry out to me because she wants something. I want to fulfil her needs, and I will continue to do so. 

 

It was pointed out how much my baby adores me, which is really the most wonderful feeling, that I’m doing the right thing by her, even though I’m tired, right now it’s not about me. I mean, yes, I have needs that need to be met- like sleeping, but for now I am happy giving in to my teeny tiny new child.

After writing this post, this poem came up in my feed. It spoke tome. Why not have a read of it too?

She is 4 months.

Her aunt is holding her
Her eyes dart around looking for me.
She finds me and I feel her eyes burning into me.
I look over at her and she beams.
I smile back and carry on cutting the veges.
I can tell she’s staring at me.
I look up again but instead of a smile, her face crumbles and she begins to cry.
I take her back and her aunt finishes the veg.
She immediately stops crying.

She is 4 months.

I place her down on the mat next to the en-suite so I can duck to the loo.
My face disappears and she sobs.
I poke my head out and her relief is palpable.

She is 4 months.

She’s had enough of playing so I scoop her up.
There’s washing to bring in still so I pass her to daddy.
I turn to walk away and she’s already crying.
I turn back and she’s staring sadly at me.
I take her back and she snuggles in.
Daddy collects the washing.

She is 4 months.

She does not yet have the brain function to manipulate.
She’s not cunningly devising a plan.
She is not deliberately making my life hard.
She’s not asking for more than she needs.

She is 4 months.

Her needs are so genuine.
Her experiences so real and raw.

She is 4 months.

For the first time in her life she is realising that we are two separate people.
Until now, she and I were one and the same to her.
Just as we shared our circulatory system while she grew in my womb she came to this world knowing only our shared existence.
She didn’t exist without me and me without her.

She is 4 months.

Suddenly, she can see with painfully limited understanding that I can indeed leave her.
This person who is her sun, her moon , her stars.
This person who sustains her...
Can just walk away.

She is 4 months.

This reality is terrifying.
With no concept of time she only has one thing-
A deep trust and faith that I will come when she calls.

She is 4 months.

Some days, she’s permanently attached to my hip or the carrier.
Some days, she’ll happily play watching her brothers.
Some days, I can hand her over to another and she’ll happily coo and chat a while.
Some days, she crumbles before the handover is even complete.

She is 4 months.

She’s just learning about life.
Learning about trust and faith.
I come when she calls be it day or night.
As I also have deep faith and trust in her.
She knows what she needs and as long as my arms, my chest and my presence are where she finds peace, safety and security she shall have them.

She is, after all, only 4 months ❤️

❤️Grubby Mummy and the Grubby Bubbies 2018 ❤️

Jan 10, 2019

This is so great!! I love it. As moms, we always find ourselves giving in, but you’re right. It’s so so worth it.

Rebecca Roses

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